I don't find enough time to read anymore. Where once I devoured a novel a week, now I fall into bed at night, a slave to bad television. But I still can't resist when a book calls to me, like Devotion did when I read a review.
Devotion is a memoir written by a 40-something year-old woman, Dani Shapiro, who finds herself suddenly experiencing panic attacks. A woman who, by many accounts, has a good life, but who had definitely gone through some of life's toughest challenges (an ill child, the deaths of her parents...). And so now, she finds herself suddenly questioning some of the beliefs that she had taken for granted growing up as the only child of Orthodox Jewish parents. Questions about her faith, her belief in God, and what comes next, to name just a few.
As a matter of a review, let me assure you that Shapiro's writing is solid, her story compelling, her intelligence - and endearing insecurities - make Devotion a fantastic read. In her quest to find answers to her questions, she looks deep into herself, and reaches out to others who she thinks might be able to answer some of her questions. Or at least help her find a path toward answers. On her journey, she finds herself exploring her own upbringing, the relationship she had with her parents, and even gains insight into her own parents marriage. Through yoga, meditation, conversation, and self-exploration, she seeks to understand more about her own self, and what might set her on the path to happiness (or away from the anxiety she feels).
But most importantly, it's the questions she asks - or her cynicism toward what we are taught to believe - that resonated with me.
Shapiro questions the validity of the age-old adage that everything happens for a reason. This is the same question I've been long thinking about. If I'm to believe that all things happen with a greater good in mind, then I'm accept the death of innocent babies, the natural disasters that occur without warning and destroy people's lives, the Holocaust, heartbreak, and other events that seem to pepper our everyday existence. I'm to accept the death of a friend at age 24 and the mysterious death of a friend's sister at just 19. And I can't just blindly accept these things. Because they evoke too much suffering to be part of a greater "plan." And also, I've yet to see evidence of this "plan" so...
Shapiro questions her faith in God as she has been taught throughout her Yeshiva education and Orthodox upbringing. While by no means could I compare my traditional Jewish upbringing to her excessively ritualistic childhood, I can relate to the feeling of going with the tide just because that's what we're taught.
This book spoke to me in a way no other book has, possibly ever. And I'm not saying this lightly. I'm saying this because it's true. As anyone very close to me can attest, in recent years I've begun to question my own belief system. In doing the work it takes to become more evolved as a person, I've uncovered that the beliefs that I took for granted, beliefs that were instilled in me as a child - are not necessarily true. From my beliefs about the people who have played the biggest roles in my life, to my own thoughts about God, mortality, and whether there is a higher meaning to all this, I was able to relate to Shapiro's questions.
And her experiences! The author talks about how her mind wanders during yoga - a challenge I face each and every time I practice. She talks about how she doesn't want to be the mom on every preschool committee, the "good mommy" who stops to chat with all the other "good mommies" at school drop-off, and I could so relate. She worries that everything falls apart at home when she goes away, as do I , which is likely most untrue in both our cases.
After plowing through Devotion, I can honestly say that I have a little bit of a girl-crush on Dani Shapiro. Or more accurately, she seems like someone I'd want as a friend, a person I'd like to have dinner with. Luckily, she's still on her book-tour and will come through Boston in a few weeks, so maybe I can meet her, shake her hand, get an autograph.
But most likely, I'll be too caught-up in my own self-consciousness to tell her that I'm the one with a girl-crush.
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