Kindergarten started a few weeks ago. After a few days of tears and a little clinginess at drop-off, we’re settled in and perfectly happy. The classroom I bring my daughter to every day is so inviting and warm, I sometimes have a hard time leaving to head to my office where I get to spend eight hours behind a desk working with high-level technology companies to execute their public relations strategies. Believe it or not there are days when I’d rather curl up on the window-seat with my delicious 5-year-old and read books about ladybugs, and butterflies, and puffy hearts.
But I can’t. In fact, I see her into her classroom and bolt to my car to begin my daily commute that takes 45 minutes when the same 15 miles should take about 20 minutes.
OK, let me preface this by saying I love to work. I get to spend my days surrounded by people who are highly educated, mostly much smarter than I am, super nice (crazy, I know) and extremely motivated. I feel great at work and while it’s so new (I recently switched jobs), I can already tell that this is a good place for me.
But I still felt a bit sad that I didn’t even bother to fill out the CORI form that came home from school because I know that I’m not one of the moms who will chaperone (chaperone!) the apple picking field trip. I deleted the email begging parents to join the PTO because I can’t imagine being able to fit meetings and teas and such into my schedule (do I really have what it takes to be a PTO mom anyway?) and it’s unlikely that I’ll raise my hand for the school’s jazz band that’s looking for members (if you know me at all, this will come as no shock).
But here’s the thing: while I do feel guilty that I’m not always there and I dash home to just make it in time to eat chicken nuggets or mac ‘n cheese with my girls before it’s bath time, I wouldn’t have it any other way. You know how some people say that they prosper under pressure? They get adrenaline from controlled chaos? Yup – that’s me.
Last month, TODAYMoms released a study about moms who work and the findings weren’t all that surprising – working moms have a love-hate relationship with their jobs, blah blah blah. What does surprise me is the sheer volume of mothers who still feel guilt admitting that they like working outside of their home. Why is this so embarrassing? Who cares if your neighbor thinks you're less than because you don't wipe every sniffle and tend to every scrape? I will be the first to tell you that I’d rather come up with a creative tactic for a client than do laundry and while I don’t hate the playground, I’m not gonna lie and say I loooooovvveee it. I like to have my own life while I know my kids are busy learning how to build their own and then coming together at the end of the day to talk about it.
Quality vs. quantity. Has to count for something, right?
I have experienced being a mom who worked from home. And I have been a working mom (outside of the home) for a while now. And I have to say that despite the missed trips to the apple orchard, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I also used formula and bottles sometimes. OHMYGOD.
Judge away.
Great post! And for the record, it's just as tough for dads who work... Makes the weekends all that more precious.
Posted by: John Porcaro | September 20, 2011 at 04:49 PM
No judging here :-) In fact, I think it would be great if more mom's were open about this issue as guilt doesn't solve anything. What's important is to find out what works for you and what doesn't. And if we were all more respectful towards other people's choices even though they're different than our own, that would be great too :-)
Posted by: Milla | September 21, 2011 at 03:52 PM