The Daily Grind of a Work @ Home Mom...

Are you mom enough? I know I am!

Time Magazine released their latest issue today and unveiled a provocative cover that features a hot, blond mom standing with her boob exposed and her dumbstruck three-year-old suckling at it. 

Without reading the story and based on the headline, you'd think it would be about that beaten-to-death "Mommy Wars" topic that rears its head every 25 minutes (and I've written about more than once).  But it's not. It's actually a profile of Dr. Bill Sears, the 72-year-old doctor and author who began writing books 20 years ago that say parents must wear their babies as an appendage at all times, sleep with their babies lest they feel abandoned for 8 hours, breast-feed for at least one year to even be considered a mom, and pretty much arm your children with zero independence, no self-soothing skills and ensure that they need mommy and daddy for ev-er-y-thing until they at least 15.  He even warns that that babies who cry too much — even those who are left to "cry it out" for short periods at night as they learn to go to sleep on their own — could suffer permanent brain damage, leading to a lower IQ, behavioral problems and more. No, seriously!

But my own opinions aside, I learned about the Time cover only secondary to a segment that aired on this morning's Morning Joe (below), during which Managing Editor Rick Stengel of Time Magazine appeared, most likely to promote the new issue, but also to be on the receiving end of a host and a guest, both of whom have vaginas, about the potentially gratuitous boob shot it portrays and the message that the headline, "Are you mom enough?" sends.  I heard about it from my boss at work who saw the segment and said she thought of me as she is aware that I sometimes struggle with being a good full-time employee and being the type of mom my girls deserve.  She too is a mom who works hard, and undoubtedly has stuggled with the same sometime feelings of guilt - both about kids and work - and has encouraged me to work hard but not to miss those moments with my kids that can't be recovered.  I think about her advice often as I decide whether I can be spared at work for a few hours to chaperone a field trip or attend a religious service on a friday morning.

The opinion that moms must be all-mom-all-the-time in order to be a successful parent, along with Stengel's smug attitude about the cover, lit me a fire just hot enough to bother writing this post.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of breast-feeding, I'm a fan of bottle feeding, hell, I'm just a fan of feeding your child using whatever method ensures nourishment.  I've said it before, I don't judge how other parents parent, so long as a child is not put in harm's way. 

What I'm not a fan of, is slinging mud at both sides just to see who screams louder.  And you know, this cover, regardless of what's inside of it, will prompt countless conversations, blog posts, tweets, status updates, Pins, etc about who is the mightiest parent of them all.  Is it the stay-at-home-mom who wore her baby until her back broke, nursed till baby was enrolled in kindergarten, and snuggled baby and (all previous kids) in the "family bed" forcing daddy to lock himself in the bathroom with nudie magazines and a sock?  Or is it the parents who kept baby beside them until they decided it was time for his/her own room, nurse or bottle fed or combined the two till it was time, encouraged their kids to walk, talk, and eat at their own pace, and wore them once in a while just to get dinner on the table in a timely manner?

Really, who cares.  That's so not the point for me.  If you watch the segment below, the two points that do resonate for me are:

1) According to Stengel, the image on the cover "represents the attachment between mother and child."  There is SO MUCH WRONG with this statement that it's crazy.  According to Stengel, if you don't have a kid hanging off your boob, you have failed at bonding with your kid.

Loving that this comes from a MAN.  I guess to complement this view, Stengel sees no way for dads to bond as strongly with their children, since they have no boobs.  I mean, how could they?  And if you're a mom who didn't nurse then obviously your bond with your kid is far less than if you had.  I mean, obv.

2) The hosts brought up a great point - if you're a dad who leaves work early to go cheer on your kid in little league you are a hero.  But if you're a mom who needs to cut out early to take little Junior to the pediatrician?  Well, that's coming outta your vacation time.  And you can be sure that your promotion just moved a little further south, Mom.

Oh, the double-standards that abound in our modern, post-feminist, tech-savvy, contemporary society continue to astound.  Personally, I feel lucky to have found a place of employment filled with managers who are moms and get that even though I'm not at the top of the food chain, my kids sometimes take priority, even between the hours of 8:30am and 5:30pm.  Lucky me, but it's cover pieces like this that send a message to women that screams if you don't sell your soul to your children, you are not worthy of having any.

And that, my friends, couldn't be further from the truth.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

#McDonald's is foiled by its own plan #McDStories

Everyone's favorite burger and fry guy made lots of news last week.  First, there was that egregiously vile image of what is allegedly "chicken nugget batter" (aka, mechanically separated chicken) that went viral. Whether McDonald's actually makes food using this crap is still unclear. What is clear is that my children will never have to endure another chicken McNugget again.

Then, McDonald's went on the offense and created a hashtag campaign using #McDStories as the hashtag. The expectation was that supporters would share their warm and fuzzy stories of enjoying grease and fat with their families, maybe playing in the filthy, dirty playground as a child, perhaps of enjoying a birthday party in an unsanitary McD's basement.

But that's not what actually happened.  What did occur is that haters of the brand began utilizing the hashtag to spew venomous tweets at them.  Tweets like:

and

and

To be clear, this post is not a commentary on McDonald's per se.  I've been known to make a person or two late for a train as a result of a near-insane craving for chicken strips while pregnant.  And for some reason nothing hits the spot quite like a quarter pounder (no onions, extra pickles) while on a road trip.  I never feel well after indulging (the sodium?) and I always regret it, but short-term memory and all that jazz seems to prevail when I see those golden arches under the right circumstances.

But I've always believed McDonald's to be a leader in their industry (whatever you may think of said industry) since it's my understanding that they're the king of burgers (king of burgers... get it?;).  It appears I was wrong. 

In light of this latest PR fail, I'm seriously wondering who is in charge of social media over there.  I mean, ask any recently graduated intern at any agency what the number one rule is if you're a brand utilizing social and they'll all tell you - understand brand sentiment.  Never ask a question you don't know the answer to unless you're in the mood for a good, old fashioned massacring.  Because just like in real life, anything a brand says in "public" is there for the taking.  And in the case of the #McDStories incident, take they did.

Here's the thing.  This isn't a lesson on what McDonald's might have done differently or what brands can take away from this debacle.  I'll leave that to the Mashables and HuffPos of the world.  But I will say this - why does McDonald's insist on reaching into a space they don't belong in?  I've seen the brand talk about their salads, I've heard them advertise white meat.  I've read the words "well-balanced" and "nutrition" on their website and think, why?  Why try and be something that you're not?  No one goes to McDonald's for a salad unless they're with someone who's having a Big Mac attack.  And while I'm glad to see the smaller portion of fries and the apples in the Happy Meal (that we grab while on the road a couple of times a year), I'm not thinking McDonald's is any good for my kids.  I'm thinking it's convenient.  It's fast.  It's food.

So McDonald's, there you have it.  You can't fool us consumers.  Even if we eat your pink slime once in a while and your over-fried fries, we don't feel good about it.  We know it's crap.  Just ask anyone.  Oops - you already did.

 

How social media influences, well, everything

Social media here, social media there, social media everywhere.  Even as a person who loves, adores, and was an early adopter (Twitter since early 2008, yo!), the constant barrage of new sites! New apps! New social tools! even gets to me sometimes.

I don't get excited about every new popular domain name.  I'm not the first to set up an account of the latest and greatest.  I've been burned before (Google+ anyone?) and there just aren't enough hours in the day to devote time to every site Twitter says is cool.  Cuz now it's not 2008 anymore and everyone and their mother is giving opinions on Twitter (not that there's anything wrong with that, as long as you know how to properly manage your own account).   

As I write this post, I just clicked a friend's Pin and took in an inforgraphic that appeared on Mashable titled Pinterest Becomes Top Traffic Driver for Retailers [INFOGRAPHIC]. This article which appeared today, pretty much sums up what I'm about to talk about here, except I was going to apologize to Foursquare for being an early adopter-hater and then tell you how much I love Foursquare for its "Specials Nearby" feature and how I utilized it yesterday and felt soooo good about myself afterwards.

But wait.

In March of 2010. I wrote a post that I called To Foursquare or Not to Foursquare: A Cynic's View.  I was wholly unconvinced.  I even quit the location-based social networking site for a while.  Can't recall what brought me back but it was probably some little voice inside my head whispering, "go back, you've made a mistake. Second chances are for winners."

So I did.  While I don't "check-in" everywhere I go and I don't double-dip by posting my Foursquare check-ins to Facebook (which has its own check-in capes), I do use it sometimes to take advantage of retail deals.

Aaaaah.  There. I said it.  If you are an avid Foursquare'er, you've undoubtedly noticed the little box "Specials Nearby" feature at the top of your "places" page - and if you click over, you'll be privy to some retailers who are taking a chance on an unknown kid as yet unproven tactic for increasing sales.  Yesterday, I "checked-in at a large shopping complex and checked my specials.  I noticed that the kids store across the way was offering 40% off any purchase just for checking in.

SCORE.  Foursquare's stock just skyrocketed in my book.  If you have to outfit children, you know that it's a constant drain on the bank account and if you have two budding fashionistas like I do, hand-me-downs are not going to cut it.  So, Justice - nice job.  I hope others catch on to your genius.  Because yesterday, for the cost of 40% of a size 4 skirt and a size 8 dress, you got a mention on Twitter that may or may not have reached any of my 3400+ followers.  Worth it?  I can't say how it was for them but I felt like I needed a smoke after heading out the door.

Same seems to be true of Pinterest.  I only recently signed-up for the newish online pinboard.  The idea is to "pin" things that appeal to you in visual format to your board.  Of course, you have followers who see your pins and they may or may not be swayed by your influence.  Each pin, btw, automatically links back to its origins (etsy shop, online retailer, etc).  For me, I love to look at the pretty pictures and of course, one more spot to share my ideas - yay!  But in seriousness, I'm considering actually making a purchase from a pin I saw on the site.

So.  Where does this leave us.  We're moving beyond bloggers to real people.  And based on what I've seen coming out of the blogosphere lately, we're all the better for it.

One more thought - anyone have any ideas on how Pinterest might affect the B to B world?  (Not that anyone at work has tasked me to find out...)

Would you like a little t & a with your tech?

I came across this little segment (below) that appeared on the BBC about how many companies employ the use of hot women to lure the mostly male attendees at CES to their booths. In case you are not in the tech industry, the Consumer Electronics Show is the world's largest consumer technology tradeshow where major companies exunveil new products, and pretty much everyone in the tech industry attends.  The piece did a good job of showing both sides of the story but my question is, is this really even a story?

If you watch the piece, you'll see a woman who works in the tech industry who isn't necessarily offended by the blatant use of the the old adage "sex sells" on the show floor, but rather she finds it "uncomfortable" and "weird" and wishes that the message that this is what her sex is here to do (ie, be sexy) would somehow be different. 

Another woman says that the "booth babes" blast an inaccurate message of how women fit into the technology industry.

Hmmm...  I wonder what the ratio of female industry attendees at CES is versus the number of sexy booth babes.  I'm going to bet that there were thousands of women walking the show floor this week versus the few hundred that were working it.  And I'm being generous since this show took place in Vegas after all, and unless something's changed since the last time I was there, a prevailing theme in Vegas happens to be hot women.  Also I wonder if there was food being sold within the walls of CES.  Were the food sellers indicative of who takes part in the tech industry?

No more than the sexy ladies were, my friends.

Ok, clearly I'm a woman and while I'm not a feminist by any stretch, I believe in equal whatever and not only that, I've been part of the tech industry in one way or another since graduating university.  And I'm here to say, this isn't a life thing, it's a world-wide thing.  In case you missed the memo, sex sells.  And these tradeshows are as much about marketing as they are about anything else.

So I'm not surprised that serious tech companies hired Vegas showgirls to, ahem, handle their product at CES, all that surprises me is how lazy this tactic is.  Don't these behemoth brands have high-priced  PR agencies and ad firms on the payroll to help them come up with some new, compelling way to stand-out in a crowd?  Aside from the animal vile man who asked the gal in the booth for her phone number, are we still so intrigued by a little t & a?

Seems so.  I mean, even women (GASP) flock to the stands when People Magazine releases its Sexiest Man Alive feature each year.  And I saw MANY women fixing themselves when Harry Connick Jr. took the stage at Blissdom a few years ago.  I was there and I know I wasn't that taken with his music.  He was just very, very nice to stare at.

Double standard much?

So let's just admit it and get it over with.  We can be smart, motivated, successful women AND we can be sexy - why does one compromise the other?  In fact, it's my humble opinion that one complements the other.  So let's just agree to own it and enjoy the show.

'Booth Babes' Upset CES Women

Facebook is changing and it's fine with me

Over the next few weeks I expect to see a lot of status updates along the lines of "no more changes!" and "Facebook sucks."  I'm also sure #FacebookSucks will trend on Twitter for a day or two before people are done moaning about the changes that are about to be rolled out.

It's called Timeline and it actually looks really cool.  It essentially takes all the data that FB has been collecting since the day we joined the social network and puts it out there for better or for worse.  I know that when I signed up for the virtually unknown social site in, say, 2007'ish, my life looked VASTLY different than it does now.  As a person who still has old letters from 1985 and boxes of journals and diaries filled with tales of teen angst, I know looking through my old stuff will be fun.  For me.  Maybe not for you, but for me Facebook's new timeline equals one more cardboard box filled with my memories.  Of which I love to hoard (save for a few that I could live without, but whatever).

The new layout is more visually (over)stimulating, with pictures and true to its name, a timeline.  It includes "highlights" from the year (how it knows what to label a "highlight", I'm not sure) and makes a sort of collage of your life/page.  To the right is a literal timeline that allows visitors to your page to see what you were up to in July of 2009, should they be curious.

To be honest, it's just a different way of presenting info that was already there.  As it stands, you can scroll pretty far through someones FB history if you have the time, this new feature just saves you hours of clicking through and is prettier.  It's been proven that people are more compelled to stick around for visual stimulation rather than written text and of course the folks at FB are no dummies.  After all, Mark Zuckerberg is the king of the world, right?

So there's also another reason why Facebook has been collecting info on us all these years even if it has been tucked away on some virtual shelf somewhere in the Cloud.  It's a thing called big data and it's basically the idea that little bits of info about us are being collected every day based on where we are (our mobile phones), where we shop (credit card companies/online shops), where we eat (again), and just about everything else we do.  Ever wonder how the scanner at the grocery store knows what coupons to offer you?  It follows how you shop, what aisle you're in and what you've bought previously.  That little scanner isn't just a nifty time-saver.  It's got a brain.

Virtually nothing we do goes undetected by something, somewhere.  This may scare you, it may sound creepy, but it's the way it is. 

So with the roll-out of Facebook's new look and amplified content, expects ads in the sidebar that you might actually click on.  And other things that I'm not smart enough to anticipate.  Because that Zuckerberg has been watching and listeing to every move you've made.  And now he's cashing in on it.

And it's not necessarily a bad thing cuz, hey!  I love those pics of myself that yopu posted of me in November of 2009 at that place that night...

The "I really don't care if you're gay" Post

I read a post this morning by a blogger I love to not love ("we don't use the word hate, Mommy") who told a story about a call she had from a friend.  Her friend, she recounted, wanted to know how she would feel if one of her own kids were gay. The blogger's response was that she would be sad for a while and she might mourn her dreams of the elaborate weddings (to members of the opposite sex) she foresaw after birthing her children as they went down the drain.  (Seriously?  The biggest hope I had for my kids upon their births was their ability to one day sleep through the night, followed closely by their capacity to feed themselves, because spooning baby mush into my kids mouths was not generally one of my greatest pleasures as was promised in the brochure.)  But I digress.

This topic of gay kids is actually something I've thought about many times, mostly because many of my own friends have come out in the last decade or so, and while I imagine that there are many factors that come into play when deciding if and when to come out, I would think that a parent's response (followed by the attitude of the judgey community many of us come from) might play a big role in finding the courage to make this private debut. 

To be honest, my general response to hearing a friend is gay is generally along the lines of, "no kidding, finally.  Pass the ketchup."  I mean, it's my opinion that everyone deserves a little happiness.  And who you choose to spend your life with, sleep with, live with or bear children with has no bearing on my life.  But whether the people I care about choose mates with whom they might find lasting happiness?  That matters.

The other thing is, I don't dream of my daughters' weddings.  I didn't dream about my own wedding day prior to the nightmares it lent itself to during the planning stages.  I do, however, look forward to a day when my children are made as happy as I am by their own children and that has nothing to do with being married to a boy or being married to a girl or even being married.  It just has to do with being a parent.  And while I know that my opinion wouldn't get me invited to dinner with members of the GOP (which is totally fine by me), it just is my opinion.

In debating these points over the dinner table, I've heard closed-minded opinions like, "children deserve to be brought up in a home with a mother and a father" or "what message are we sending by endorsing same-sex couples raising kids?"' and my response is ALWAYS the same:

How many conventional marriages end up in divorce?  What percentage of married couples actually exhibit loving behaviors within their own homes?  How many kids from homes with both Mom and Dad witness unhappiness, loneliness, tension, stress and animosity?

Look, I'm not saying that same sex couples don't fight, don't have stress and don't break-up.  All I'm saying is that kids need love, positively and unequivocally.  Whether it's from parents of the opposite sex, same-sex parents, black and white parents or a single parent, it's really about love and stability.  And where and who and how that love is delivered, as long as it's within the confines of a safe and calm environment, I'm in.

So if my kids decide they want to love someone of the same gender, I won't die.  I won't kick and I won't scream.  I will be grateful that they have found someone they want to love in a world where the idea of "soul mate" and marriage" seems as antiquated as the notion of "barefoot and pregnant."  In other words, what's important to me isn't the need to live by conventions determined by society, but rather it's more important that the people I love make choices that just might lead to their ultimate happiness, however that may look.

Live and let live, people.  Live and let live.

This is the sound of a broken heart...

In the form of Sia (one of my favorite songs ever).  But if this video doesn't break your heart, nothing will.  If my child ever experiences even a shred of what this boy feels, I can't imagine what I would do.

But the bigger question is, where are the schools, the teachers, the parents??  How does this happen all over the place?

 

Steve Jobs May Have Died but He Left Some Pretty Cool Stuff...

And I don't mean computers.

I was aware, like the rest of the world, that Steve Jobs was ill. I knew that he stopped working a little while ago and that analysts and media everywhere noted that event as the beginning of the end. I was saddened to hear of his death last night, which I learned about while perusing my Facebook timeline.

So when I saw every single one of my friends statuses change to reflect Jobs' death, I took as minute to think about what this brilliant man, who literally revolutionized our world, meant to me personally.  Not initially a huge Apple adopter, I recently fell in love with the Macbook and I can't live without my iPod (which sat, untouched, in its pristine box for months before I actually decided to read the instructions).  So to say that I've followed the company since its inception would be a lie.

But a few years ago, as everyone and their mother knows, Jobs spoke at Stanford University's commencement and his speech went viral in a flash.  His words had little to do with the brilliance he had imparted on the world or his own ego, but more to do with exactly what a commencement speech should exact - Jobs gave sage advice to that graduating class, and because of the depth of his words, he ultimately touch millions of people, people who were nowhere near that campus that day, with these words.

I defy you to find someone, anyone, who can't relate to this:

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Who doesn't want to live their best life?  Who isn't out there looking for ultimate contentment?  Without being unrealistic, Steve Jobs had a really good point: he was advising those freshly minted young adults to LIVE.  Just live.  To follow your gut (which so many of us often forget to do), trust your instincts, and live.

I needed that reminder yesterday in particular.  I don't use an iPhone and I'm not sold on the iPad quite yet.  But Steve Jobs' spirit lives on, even for those of us who took nothing more from him than a little wisdom.

RIP, Steve Jobs.

Oh, Irene

This weekend, US meteorologists had us all in a crazy panic over Hurricane Irene. Named "the hurricane of the century" before it was even a twinkle in the ocean's eye, Irene sent Twitter and Facebook into a battery-buying, tub-filling, water-hoarding frenzy. Headlines like "Storm roars off Dominican Republic after slashing across Puerto Rico" made the rest of us insane with worry.  When would that storm roar into our city and what would it slash in my yard?

This is Boston.  We are more comfortable being snowed in for days than facing the idea that our lawn furniture could potentially become a projectile missile.

But, as good citizens, we did as we were told.  We spent Saturday morning hauling lawn furniture into the garage.  We sandbagged our patio table so it wouldn't become airborne and be mistaken for a small helicopter before it crashed through the neighbors window. 

I spent $96 on a mini sump pump in the event that my basement started flooding.  Of course, I didn't account for the fact that it was way possible that I'd have nothing to power that baby up with if the electricity was shut-off.  But we did the best we could.

Like the weather guy said, we hunkered down.  Man, did we hunker.  We made no plans.  I made a mental list of every indoor activity that could be done with an almost four- and five year old.  I fielded text message after text message from my vacationing mom on the other (non-hurrican'ing) part of the world asking me if I had bought 48 litres of water.  If I had a wet vac handy.  If I had cleaned out the entire bread section. 

In the end, Irene was devastating.  People lost their homes.  Lives were lost.  Cars floated downstream and Moms allegedly went into labor in cars during the storm.  In North Carolina, about 1,100 homes were destroyed and Irene caused at least $70 million of damage.  Some towns in Vermont were/are completely under water.  

Here in Boston, we saw trees in the streets.  Debris covered rooftops and cars and parks.  But we were pretty much spared of the damage seen in other places.  Thankfully.

Hurricane Irene might have devastated some US cities and towns, but around these parts, the damage pretty much added up to this:

Not bad for the storm of the century. 

Blue vs. Pink - How Important is Gender to Parents?

I recently read a fantastic book called Secret Daughter. Set in India, the story opened with a woman in labor, who, instead of having the typical feelings associated with the anticipation of birthing a baby, is terrified that her baby will be born a girl and suffer at the hands of her husband.  Her fears stem from the fact that her first baby, a girl, was taken from her at birth by her gender biased husband, and killed. 

While the horrific phenomenon of female infanticide is hardly a new concept, historically it occurs predominantly in third-world countries and most notably in India and China.  And it isn't a topic that I've spent much time considering.

So why did my blood run just a bit colder the other day when I heard news of a new test, a simple blood test, that can determine a child's gender at just seven weeks gestation?

According to the Boston Globe article:

"The test - which checks fetal cells in the mother’s blood for the Y chromosome present only in male cells - has been available in Europe for years but has not found its way into routine medical practice in the United States. That could change given the new review, which analyzed 57 studies involving a total of 6,500 pregnancies and found that the tests were more than 95 percent accurate at determining gender at seven weeks. By 20 weeks, the accuracy was 99 percent."

At the moment, the test is available only in Europe, but from what I read, it may be offered in third-world countries so as to give pregnant couples a chance to have an appropriate abortion instead of surrendering to the atrocities of gendercide.

I can't believe I'm even writing this.  I mean, I understand that other cultures have customs and beliefs that are intrinsic to their history, but by ANY standards this is just unbelievable.  And yes, I know that horrible things go on in underpoverished countries constantly (and even right here under our very own red, white, and blue noses), I just can't wrap my head around the idea of murdering a helpless baby based on genitalia.

So here's my concern.  When and if this test becomes available in the US, what happens if the "wrong" news falls into the hands of people with an inferior code of ethics?  Do we begin engaging in infanticide under the pretense of legal abortion here in the US?  While I am 100% pro-choice, I am seriously worried about the decisions people might make once they learn that their very young fetus is not the gender of their choice.  After all, most legal abortions occur within the first trimester.  Typically, we don't find out gender until a 20-week sonogram.  So this new test at seven weeks just scares me.

I know so many people who have gotten pregnant with a third child because they already had two kids of the same gender.  How many times have I heard a friend say "if I had one of each, I'd be done having kids."  I always think, what if your third is the same gender?  And while I know they will love their third child regardless, what if they (or anyone) could decide the value of having that third child with the knowledge of gender?

Scary stuff.