The Daily Grind of a Work @ Home Mom...

Resolutions

I don't make resolutions.  I don't, because resolutions are a waste of time.  I need to start a diet equally as urgently on January 1 as I do on March 19 or July 10 or any other day of the year.  I hope to get to the gym more frequently EVERY Sunday night as a new week looms.  I make conscious decisions to work more, love more, be nicer and more compassionate ALL the time.  And rarely do I ever stick to these affirmations so why set myself up for even greater failure by making New Year's resolutions which won't last beyond January 5 anyways?

As a mom, I feel like I'm constantly resolving to do something differently to the benefit of my kids.  Be more patient, work less and make more play-dates, be more patient...  And I want to say I succeeded in 2009, for the most part.  But to be honest, until I started thinking about it and writing this post, I hadn't really ticked these accomplishments off on my figurative to-do list, probably because I never made these things official resolutions on January 1, 2009.

No pressure breeds success.  At least for me.

But since it is all the rage to pin down your hopes and dreams for the coming year in January, here are my thoughts:

1. Take myself less seriously.  Who cares if Nikon invites me to the hottest party of the conference?  I get to eat CheeseburgHers anyhow!
2. Relax more.  If my kids get to bed by 8:30, if they miss a nap... WHATEVER. 
3. Find more happiness from within myself.  No doubt my moods are often concurrent with the actions of others.  So unhealthy.
4. Be more organized.  Ok, so I call it my organized mess.  But I'm thinking I'd be a lot more efficient if my office had a little less mess, and a lot more organization. 
5. Have faith.  I catastrophize.  I don't trust other people's good intentions.  I'm cynical, skeptical, distrustful and suspicious.  I'm going to rest these negative protectors and find some new ones that make me a happier person.

Your turn.   

 

Farewell 2009, Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out.

On Thursday night when we ring in the New Year, don't be surprised if you hear me holler just a bit louder than the others.  You see, I'm THRILLED to be bidding farewell to 2009.  2009 is the year that has sucked in just so many ways.

Forget about the year.  In just this past month, I've had a "customer" try to pass a bad check on me (why in the world is the victim of check fraud charged a fee by the bank?  Anyone??), another so-called member of the human race verbally assault me via email for absolutely NO reason, and just this morning, my very own PayPal account fell prey to yet another Internet predator. 

Can't a woman catch a break?

Personally, 2009 has just NOT been the year for me.  But again, everything is relative.  In 2009, my kids thrived, grew, laughed, learned, and generally became little people.  They are delicious, delightful, and smart little girls who serve as beacons on dark days.  I am nothing but grateful for my girls and can't wait to see how 2010 changes them into even bigger and smarter versions of themselves.

So it's not been all bad...

In 2009, I reconciled with two friends I hadn't heard from in years, due to what were undoubtedly minor scrapes.

In 2009, my blog attracted the attention of readers and brands alike, giving me an even greater reason to keep on keeping on.  (Stay tuned for exciting news!)

So while 2009 brought sadness, revelations, fun, deep thoughts, good friends, and more, I'll be waking up on Friday, January 1st, 2010 with a renewed sense of HOPE.  Because I owe it to myself.

With that, I say good riddance to 2009.  May 2010 bring everything YOU hope it will for yourself and your family.  And I'll hope that the world is just a tiny bit better next year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

UPDATE 11:01am - I just went downstairs to find my basement flooding.  I'm fresh off being ankle-deep in water and thinking, I MUST be in for better luck next year.  Right?...

The Customer is NOT Always Right

Just over a week ago, I received an order from a new customer for an adorable Masha the Monkey Zoobie. 

As I was wrapping it up later that day, I noticed the blanket inside the monkey had a tiny pull in it.  Since customer service is paramount to me, I decided to order a brand new Zoobie from the company and with my 14-day shipping policy, I would still be well within the window.

Six days after receiving the order, I receive an email from the customer:

Has this order shipped?  Thank you.

To which I responded:

Your order will ship on Monday.

Best regards,

Since I was still well within the shipping window, there was no need for any more explanation.

This is what I get back:

Hmmm. Last order from your company (lack of punctuation HIS, not mine.)

UMMM...  So I respond, POLITELY:

I’m sorry you feel this way.  At the bottom of your order confirmation, it says “Please allow up to 14 days for your order to ship.”   Your order will have shipped within 8 days.  I actually had your item in stock but found a minor pull on it and had the company ship me a new one so that it will arrive in perfect condition to you.

I’m a very small mom-owned business, not a multi-national retailer with warehouses and staff.  While I thank you for your patronage, I do hope you can appreciate that I’m more than meeting the promises I make to my customers.

Again, thank you for your order.

 

There was one more love-note in between about how my charges are this and how he should never have ordered from me in the first place, blah, blah, blah...  And then today, as I emerge from the post office just having dropped the order in the bin, I check my email to find this:

 

Thanks Jill,

When it finally arrives what are your return policies as I needed this gift by tomorrow? (I purchased the same item thru thinkgeek which I should have shopped with to begin with)

Merry Christmas!

Can you say DOUCHEBAG?  This "customer" took every chance his miserable self could to insult me, my business, and whatever else he could get his hands on.

Against my nature (which can be explosive, I admit, at times --> working on it), I wrote back with a link to the return policy as well as the policy in the body of the email.  Just the fact, maam.

To which this d-bag responds:  wow you're a real bitch.

So I wonder, how do you say "you must have a really small penis" politely?

UPDATE:  This insane story did not end here.  Unfortunately, I was the victim of a seriously disturbed human being who proceeded to harass me and use language that was so vile and intolerant (and apparently this person is a parent!) I wouldn't repeat it here.  I got a bunch of comments and emails from readers about how angry I should be, when really, for someone to be so miserable to lash out at a total stranger, especially during the holidays, I feel nothing but compassion.  Hopefully this story is done, but thanks to all for making me aware of my options should it continue. 

 

 

Last Night a Twitterer Saved My Life

Oh Twitter.  How did we survive before you.  Sure there was Facebook, MySpace and Friendster, but none seemed to cause the stir that you have brought into our lives.  It's true that some of us are using Twitter for the reasons it was intended by co-creator Dom Sagoll: to update others on our real-time moves.  Others use it to disseminate info about their product or service (often called SPAM).  But like all things happy, there are always those that take a happy thing and make it sad.  In other words, Twitter has its share of rotten apples.

I could give examples that would make your head spin.  The hot topic that's making its way from the social media sites to the traditional media is the story of the mom who allegedly tweeted her way through her 2 year old son's horrific fall into the swimming pool straight through to after he died, about 5 hours later.

One moment she was tweeting about the weather, the next she was asking followers for prayers.  Hours later she was memorializing her son on the popular social media site.

Bloggers and journalists from the US to Israel to Europe and back are judging this mom for everything from who was watching her son while she was busy tweeting for hours prior to his fall to why wasn't she holding his hand as he died instead of tweeting to how could she function adequately to coherently form a sentence and hit the update button.

I'm not judging this woman.  In my mind, it's just another family suffering my own worst nightmare and I feel compassion.  I'm sad that during such a horrific moment, this family has to endure public scrutiny over anything. 

But this situation aside, I am questioning if Web 2.0 has invaded our private lives to an extreme and whether the intense relationships we are fostering with our electronic devices are healthy.  And I'm just not sure.

I get both sides.  Get a life, people!  Disconnect from your computer, get out into the real world, meet a friend for lunch (IRL), enjoy a pat on the back once in a while.  A hug.  A mall.  A real-live relationship.

And then I hear the opposition.  People living in rural areas have been craving more extensive networks and through the Internet this is now available, simple.  Moms who stay home with kids who were formerly lonely and isolated now have friends who are doing the same thing.  People who cannot get out of their houses to work can now receive an income by way of their computers.

But it's my opinion that we might be over-sharing just a tad. 

I read lots of blogs.  Blogs about everything from relationships to the latest and greatest to fashion and celebrities.  I'm mostly drawn to blogs by people who write personal stories, who take the reader on their daily voyage through their life even during their most personal crises.  I currently am following the blog of a woman who is going through a tough time in her marriage and is documenting all for everyone - including her husband, mother and mother-in-law - to read.  So while I wonder how anyone could put so much information out there for all the world to see, I'm drawn to it at the same time.

I've said publicly how I wish in many ways that I trusted the world at large enough to spill my secrets out into it and see what comes back.  I am a writer by nature.  What better way to receive support when you need it most than to write about your troubles and get support in return?  Trouble is, the more you spill into the world, the more you'll get back, and not always in the form that you hope.

Just ask celebrities.  

So do I think this mom need be burnt at the stake for tweeting her way through a tragedy?  I don't.  And in a perfect world only those with something nice to say would say anything at all and those with nothing nice to say would keep quiet.  But it doesn't work that way.  I'm just sorry that we are learning this at some other person's expense.

I have a new obsession... and it involves celebrities and dead people.

Well, it's not entirely new.  But now it's being fueled by, you guessed it!  A new celebrity-infused show on Biography.

So I've had this fascination with death and the paranormal - you know, ghosts and stuff - for as long as I can remember.  As a child, I would lie in my bed and try to send messages to my deceased grandparents.  If you roll up my blinds, I'll know you loved me, I'd think.  Then I'd dive under my covers praying that no one would visit me. 

I can even remember Googling working in a funeral home once just out of pure curiosity.  Not exactly dinner conversation, right?

For some reason, I have always believed that there exists some sort of life after death.  I just can't swallow that you die and that's it.  I'm certain that you go somewhere else but I haven't worked out many details beyond that.  I do think that if you lose someone close to you, while that person might not be with you on a daily basis, hovering (hear that, mom?), I'm fairly certain they're around for the big things.  So you should definitely keep on mentioning your dead relatives in those wedding speeches.

Anyhow, I've been spending a lot of time watching TV lately (don't ask) and one night had exhausted all my regular shows as well as my DVR'd goodies when I fell on Celebrity Ghost Stories.  OMG!!  My lucky day!  Two of my favorite topics rolled up into one neat show!  Essentially, each one-hour long episode features a bunch of (maybe not so-much A) celebrities talking about their personal encounters with the paranormal.  And they are good ones!  Justine Bateman, who's all growed up after years on Family Ties, talks about her then-newly deceased grandfather who visited her family just to say hi and make her uptight father mad.  Lisa Rinna and her freakish lips tell a story about a little girl who died in the house her family lives in, who playeds with her children.  Jeffrey Ross still sounds scared when he tells of his recently suicided neighbor who hounded him.

There are dozens of stories, all told by these wellish-known people, and most are actually believable.  Some are slightly outlandish, but for the most part, all are well-told and thanks to Biography's wonderful editing people, they're scary too! 

Obviously I'm not the only one watching this winner, since it's already received a well-deserved sketch on Saturday Night Live.  I've posted it below, but keep in mind, the real thing is actually way more entertaining than this take-off...

Anything Moms Can Do, Dads Should Be Able to Manage *Almost* the Same

My husband took my girls to a birthday party last weekend while I enjoyed a much-needed few days away.  This morning, at drop-off, one of the moms told me that he did a great job with them at the party.

"He really knew how to handle them," she said. 

"He's their father," I replied.  "Wouldn't you expect that?"

"My husband would've complained the whole time," said the mom.

Now, I'm not saying that moms should take vacation days once a week or leave the kids in the sole care of dad all the time, but shouldn't dads be just as capable of caring for the kids FOR ONE WEEKEND as moms?

My husband may be many things, but he certainly wins the prize in the dad department.  He may work long hours and have commitments that keep him away from home more than he'd like, but when he's here, he's here.  He's not laying on the couch guzzling beer and watching the game, he's on the floor, playing with a small person or reading stories or taking one of them with him for company on an errand.  He's present, so he knows the drill.

"My husband wouldn't know what to feed the kids," I heard a mom say.

Huh?  How about, I don't know, FOOD?  And if you're unsure, Dad, that stuff that moms so painstakingly fill the pantry with, that you don't see on your plate, is likely for the kids.  Easy peasy, right?

Truth is, this woman's husband would be fine alone with his kids for a weekend.  It's the control-freak in us that thinks they would kill them or starve them or not clothe them, and this is why moms are too tired, and always in need of a break.

Trust me ladies, plan your getaway.  They'll figure it out. 

Why Celebs & Public Figures Should Never Cheat

Humor me for a minute: When you think about the "perfect" life, what comes to mind?  It doesn't have to be your version of the perfect scenario, just what you might envision somebody's ideal situation to be.

Let me go first -

How about tall, good-looking, extraordinarily rich beyond my wildest dreams, enjoying the ultimate success in my chosen field, a beautiful spouse & great kids, blah blah blah.

Sounds nice, right?

So why isn't it ever enough?  I mean, this seems like the golden life.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.  No one knows the reasons why people step-out on their spouses.  And while I don't believe that everyone who cheats is necessarily a serial cheater, I do believe that there are often deeper reasons as to why one feels the need to fill a space outside of their marriage.

But I also believe that public figures have a different set of rules than the rest of us.

Double standard?  Maybe.  But if I go out and pursue fame and fortune, it means I'm making a choice that puts me as well as my family in the spotlight.  With that comes certain responsibilities.  I feel like public figures should take an oath much like doctors swear to practice ethics in medicine, so should public people practice ethics in well, their lives. 

Because unfortunately, celebs and public figures do not have private lives.  I don't endorse it, I just deliver the facts.  It's just how it is.

So this is why I think it should be against the law for celebrities to cheat.  For real.  They are paid more money for less work than 99% of the much harder-working population (16 hour days on the set? BOO FRICKIN HOO).  They have at their disposal PLENTY of cash to put toward therapy if they're feeling a little despondent.  I mean, aren't there better ways of dealing with problems than to go out and embarrass your entire family (not to mention yourself) by having sex with someone else?

So based on the simple fact that when you're being watched, you should behave, my advice to celebs is simple:

You're being watched!  Behave!

I mean, even a child knows this...

 

And Sometimes We Do Use Our Powers For Good...

On Tuesday, November 17th, a fellow blogger, mom, and woman named Anissa Mayhew had a stroke that sent her to the ICU.  Anissa has 3 kids and a family and, clearly, has had a very strong impact on this community.

Because everywhere I click, whether it be a blog in my feed or Twitter, there's something about Anissa's condition or someone inquiring about it.  It's apparent Anissa is not a person who lives in a bubble because everyone knows her.  And, it seems, everyone cares.

Hundreds of bloggers are directing readers to Anissa's CaringBridge.org page where they can read updates on her condition as well as help out her family.  A Paypal account has been set-up so people can give a little to her family, if they want to.  The bottom line is, bloggers are using their powers for good.  Just when I'd about given up hope.

I had the pleasure of meeting Anissa a few weeks ago, when she and her Aiming Low team visited Boston and spread some good cheer by throwing a party and inviting local bloggers.  Thanks to Anissa and her party, many bloggers, who are otherwise chained to their families and houses, were treated to a fun night out.  Thanks to Anissa, I won an awesome HP printer that night!  Thanks to Anissa, I had a few great laughs that night, during a time in my life when great laughs are not as frequent as I'd like them to be.

So here I am, jumping on the blogwagon as I like to say.  I'm directing you to the CaringBridge.org page where you can follow Anissa's progress and support her family in several different ways.  Or, you can leave here thinking about a woman who is laying unconscious in ICU today, while her family exists in a what I can only imagine to be a state of terror as they wait for their loved one to wake up. 

Today is a great day to give an extra squeeze to your kids, your spouse, your mom, or whoever it is you love.  Because this woman, who was cracking joke after joke on a stage in front of a hundred or so people a few weeks ago, today lays in a coma. 

(Un)Virtuous

So I walk (reluctantly) into the gym this morning, about five minutes before my weekly "boot-camp" session is about to begin.  I meet up with the trainer who has been leading these hourly sessions now for about 8 months.

"Jill!"  He is genuinely psyched to see me.  He's really into the good of collective fitness and the bigger the group, the better.

"You look good," he says.  "Did you lose a few pounds?"

Normally, I'd be totally thrilled if someone noticed a few pound weight loss.  But today, I felt weird about it.

"It's stress," I say.  "All stress."

Truth is, I've sort of been eating my feelings lately and somehow none of it is sticking.  This should tickle me, but somehow without actually feeling the pain of it, I don't feel like I'm deserving of any accolades.  Because if my hard-core fitness instructor actually knew what I'd been ingesting of late, he'd probably quit me for good.

I'm chalking the non-weight-gain to one of two things:

1) Either someone up there is looking out for me, feeling sorry for me and ensuring that I don't become obese while I deal with a touch of chaos,

OR

2) Some anxiety-induced hormone or chemical in my body is burning off the crap I'm putting into it as quickly as I'm ingesting it. 

And normally, a compliment as small as "you look like you've lost a few" would be enough to keep me going for at least the rest of the day, combined with a salad or a small chicken breast.  But instead I added more greasy fuel to my boot-camped bod in the form of McD's and Chef Boyardee.  (and no, I'm not five). 

C'mon, let's say it together - EW.

I'll just chalk it up to a comfort food binge and hope that tomorrow, maybe a salad will give me love in the way that french fries do.

Good luck.  I know.

Am I Doing This Wrong?

I dropped A off at pre-school this morning and was greeted at the door by her teacher (whom I love, btw).  In keeping with my request that she tell me even the embarrassing things my 3-and-a-half year old spews out of her 3-and-a-half year old mouth, the drop-off went something like this:

Me: G'morning!

Teacher: Hi, Jill.  Oh, I have to tell you what happened yesterday.

Uh, oh.  My mind starts racing.  Did my typically gentle child push someone on the playground?  Get pushed?  Or more likely, recite the entire periodic table of the elements?

Just kidding...

Me: Oh God, what happened?

Teacher: So, A told me she had to go to the bathroom and I told her 'just a sec' because I was holding something and needed to put it down.

I nod. 

Teacher: So she tells me that she can't wait because her dr. said she shouldn't wait to pee or she'll get a boo boo in her tussy.

Uh, something like that...

Teacher: So I take her to the bathroom and she sits down and starts telling me that her daddy doesn't pee sitting down, he pees standing up.

Oh. My. God.  Now I'm not sure if this is a cute story or if I'm in trouble or what but I do know that I asked to hear the embarrassing things she says and well, here they come!

Her teacher smiles, puts her hand on my shoulder and says, "isn't that cute?"

Cute.  So cute.  All this talk of anatomy and bathroom rituals rolled up into one small girl who has  the vocabulary to communicate if aliens had entered her room overnight and kidnapped her favorite teddy bear. 

Am I even doing this right??