The Daily Grind of a Work @ Home Mom...

Am I Doing This Wrong?

I dropped A off at pre-school this morning and was greeted at the door by her teacher (whom I love, btw).  In keeping with my request that she tell me even the embarrassing things my 3-and-a-half year old spews out of her 3-and-a-half year old mouth, the drop-off went something like this:

Me: G'morning!

Teacher: Hi, Jill.  Oh, I have to tell you what happened yesterday.

Uh, oh.  My mind starts racing.  Did my typically gentle child push someone on the playground?  Get pushed?  Or more likely, recite the entire periodic table of the elements?

Just kidding...

Me: Oh God, what happened?

Teacher: So, A told me she had to go to the bathroom and I told her 'just a sec' because I was holding something and needed to put it down.

I nod. 

Teacher: So she tells me that she can't wait because her dr. said she shouldn't wait to pee or she'll get a boo boo in her tussy.

Uh, something like that...

Teacher: So I take her to the bathroom and she sits down and starts telling me that her daddy doesn't pee sitting down, he pees standing up.

Oh. My. God.  Now I'm not sure if this is a cute story or if I'm in trouble or what but I do know that I asked to hear the embarrassing things she says and well, here they come!

Her teacher smiles, puts her hand on my shoulder and says, "isn't that cute?"

Cute.  So cute.  All this talk of anatomy and bathroom rituals rolled up into one small girl who has  the vocabulary to communicate if aliens had entered her room overnight and kidnapped her favorite teddy bear. 

Am I even doing this right??

To Vaccinate, or Not to Vaccinate, That is the Question.

So everywhere you turn there is information being thrown at us regarding the H1N1 Flu and the vaccine.  And at every turn is a parent asking, "are you vaccinating?"

We did.  On Monday, both my kids opened their nostrils real wide to accept the H1N1 vaccine.  And while this was ultimately my decision, it was not a decision I came to lightly.

I am not a person who buys into media hype.  I n fact, as the public becomes increasingly panicked about any particular media-induced issue, I tend to become more cynical.  Maybe it's the journalist in me, but I don't trust "frenzy."

Bu I do trust facts from people in the know.

I asked doctors their opinion.  And I asked more doctors.  Then, just to be sure, I asked again.  Every single solitary doctor I asked- from an Internist to a GI specialist to an ER doctor and a Pediatrician - every last one of them not only assured me the H1N1 vaccine is safe, but urged me to vaccinate my children. 

Every last one of them.

They told me that the H1N1 vaccine is prepared no differently than any other flu shot I've given my children and that the hype over the pandemic is what separates it from the regular flu.  As a matter of fact, the H1N1 strain of flu has been included in your regular seasonal flu vaccine each year since 1977, but since this is a new strain, a separate vaccine is being administered.

And yes, people in the high risk groups should get both the H1N1 vaccine as well as the flu shot.  While my instinct was not to administer both the vaccines simultaneously, many doctors do (if they have it - there's a supply and demand issue with both vaccines right now). 

I was reluctant to accept a "new" vaccine for my kids.  But after doing the research, asking health care professionals, finding out how the seasonal flu vaccine and the H1N1 vaccine are similar and different, my reluctance was to wait to vaccinate.  And now that I have, I feel like my children are protected from what I understand to be a horrible, complicated illness.

No matter what you decide is best for your family, there are ways to protect against getting sick - make sure your family washes their hands constantly.  We've been going through that anti-bacterial stuff like crazy around here.  At the very least, you'll be teaching your kids good hygiene, right?

Making the Most of "Mommy & Me"

Everyone will tell you: when you have kids, you'll make new friends.

Kids come with a seemingly unending calendar filled with events such as school, extracurricular activities, birthday parties and more. But the first encounter most mothers have with the mommy contingent comes in the form of "Mommy & Me" classes.

Starting as early as just days after returning from the hospital with your bundle of joy and lasting well into the preschool years is the phenomenon known as Mommy & Me. Typically this involves some group setting intended to be together-time for mom and tot in a social environment where kids can be with other kids and by default, moms can socialize with other moms. Sounds simple, right?

Well, not necessarily.

Moms can be one of the most difficult groups to penetrate, especially if you are a newcomer. But if you are looking to make the most of Mommy & Me, making mommy friends makes running after your child week after week slightly more palatable.

It's almost like dating. You meet in group, you see them a few times a week, but how do you take it to the next level? How do you know if they like you? It seems like they do, but how do you really know? Do you just put yourself out there and go for it?

Actually, you do. If you feel a bit of a connection with a mom, ask about what her child's schedule is like. Could you plan a play-date? A coffee date?  You do the inviting. Ask the duo to come to your house or if the weather is good, plan a neutral park date. Feel like stepping it up a notch? See if she wants to meet at a local ice cream parlor where the kids can play and have a treat while the two of you, well, get to know each other a bit.

It's intimidating. Why is that? Any mom will agree that dating other moms is reminiscent of the high-school scene, where everyone is just a little self-conscious and a lot socially awkward. But if you forget all of that and just go for it, chances are you'll be Queen Bee in no time at all.

And hey, your new friends may even come with tolerable daddies to keep your child's daddy company during football season. 

This post was originally published on Savvy Source on October 14, 2009.

I Have A Dream

Ok, so maybe my dream isn't quite so selfless and world-changing as MLK's was in 1963.  But it's my dream, and I'm waking up to a pretty clear memory of it.

I had a dream last night that I went back to a full-time job outside of the home.  In the dream, the people were cool, the office was great, and my job was perfect.  In the dream, there was a party the first day, a meeting where the boss related to the employees, and women who weren't bitchy (I know, but one can dream!)  But all through this perfect scenario dream, I felt, even in my dream, uneasy about something. 

In the dream I hadn't had a formal "offer", hadn't been told my hours, and never actually agreed to anything.  Probably because in my real-life, though I'm getting itchy to re-join the outside of home workforce, I'm not looking to spend 40+ hours a week away from my babies.

But I want to work.

But I  also want to be that mom who dispenses 3 meals per day and is there for playgroups and school events.

I'm certain I'm not alone in this.  I know I can't be the only former working woman to daydream about getting dressed in more than Lulu Lemon's in the morning and having people ask me about more than what time preschool drop-off is.  But at the same time, I need to ensure that I am the one who is present at drop-off (and pick-up) at least most days.  What to do.

I've been sending out resumes for opportunities that offer contract and part-time hours.  My specialty is writing, but isn't everybody's these days?  (and the fact that I actually have a university degree stating this doesn't seem to separate me from the sea of wannabe's...)  And since I'm self-taught at the art of social media and the use of online tools for effective marketing and promotion, I'm advertising myself as an asset to any social media team.

Only catch is, I don't do full-time.

This is a struggle at best.  I mean I'm committed, I'm ready, and the money would be awesome (running an online store and freelancing is fabulous, but isn't the fabulous source of income you'd think it might be).  But not at the cost of sacrificing 40+ hours per week with my daughters.  And as I snuggled close to the warm body of my 3-year-old this morning, this fact became crystal clear.

But it's 8:37am, and I'm wearing my Lulu Lemons...  

Sabrina accompanying Mom to a Stonyfield Farm blogger event, September 2009.

Your Baby Can Read!

It's back-to-school time.  Time to buy pencils, books, deal with teachers' dirty looks (or loving words about your kids... we hope!).  But what I quickly learned from being a mom to 2 toddlers - not all learning happens at school.

Our children depend on us to teach them.  In fact, it's our job to teach them, our responsibility.  And tools can help.  Our family recently received the Your Baby Can Read system, and we are having a great time with it and learning new words, sounds, letters, and more.

My 3-year-old is really into learning.  She is constantly asking me to teach her to cook (we're starting cooking classes next week!), teach her to ride a bike, teach her to read.  While the other things are within my scope, I couldn't imagine how to teach such a young child to read.

The tools provided in the Your Baby Can Read set are a huge help.  Ok.  If you check out their website, you'll see video of a 9-month-old who can recognize the words on the flash cards his mom is showing him.  My kid can't do that (and I'm not sure I'd want her to).  But she loves the interactive sliding word cards which match together words with pictures.  Some go to the next level to include actions (Arms Up!) and more advanced ideas (Pet). 

Also included in the system are 5 DVD's meant to go with the word cards.  Truth is, my toddlers didn't love them so we used the cards on their own.  Additionally it came with:

• 50 Word Game Cards
• 82 Double Sided Word Cards
• 5 Lift-A-Flap Books (which we also LOVED!!!!)
• A "My First Words" Slide and Learn book (another fave)
• A "How To" Parent’s Guide

It's interesting to see which letters my 3-year-old retains.  Also, I'm interested in the difference in upper case vs. lower case retention.  But I do know that her word to picture recognition is wonderful and expanding with more variations on words and pics she already knows.

Created by recognized expert and infant researcher, Dr. Robert C. Titzer, Ph.D, the website claims that "studies prove that the earlier a child learns to read, the better they perform in school and later in life. Early readers have more self-esteem and are more likely to stay in school."  While I'm not 100% sure that I agree completely with this general statement, I do think any early exposure to letters, reading and books can only have a positive influence on children.  So I embrace any tool that helps do this. 

In general, the system is great.  But I'm not using it to teach my toddler to read because it is my opinion that she is, in fact, too young to read.  We could easily work hard together to get her to memorize each card and use this to impress her friends and family, but instead, we are learning letters, new words, and ways to string words together.  In this capacity, Your Baby Can Read is awesome.

The system costs $199.95.  While this sounds expensive, when you break it down by piece, you're actually only spending a little more than $11 per book/DVD/card game, which is reasonable.  The company also offers a 30-day trial for $14.95 which allows you to test it out, and then they offer an installment plan should you choose to keep it.  There is also a 30-day money back guarantee.  All this to say, Dr. Titzer really believes in his product and thinks you will too. 

Win it!  The Daily Grind is happy to be giving away one Your Baby Can Read system to a lucky reader!  To enter, simply visit the website and give us your opinion of the system, and why you should win it.  The winner will be drawn at random on Saturday, September 12th at midnight.  Contest open to US residents only.  A $199.95 value!! 

Super Why! A Children's Show for Smart Kids (and the adults who watch with them).

Sometimes, as a blogger, I get to do very cool things.  Like recently, I was invited to a behind-the-scenes look at one PBS Kids most popular shows for preschoolers, SUPER WHY!  So as a mom that lets my kids watch television (boo!  hiss!), I was stoked to learn more about what goes into kids' programming and, as a celebrity stalker, to meet the creator of the show, Angela Santomero.

Ok, maybe "celebrity" is pushing it, but not if you ask my kids.  They LOVE SUPER WHY!  and as a parent, it was interesting to hear the details about why a new children's show even gets created, and what type of research goes into it.  Here are some interesting facts I picked up:

• A new series gets built as a result of a need.  Like, when there was a need for programming with a literacy curriculum, SUPER WHY! and Martha Speaks were created.  Sid the Science Kid obviously covers early science exploration, and (betcha didn't know this) Curious George's curiosity introduces preschoolers to key concepts in math, science and engineering. 
• Ever want to pull your hair out because the kids morning show is THE SAME episode as yesterday?  And last week?  This is actually done purposefully since repetition is good for young kids. 
• Oh, and funding is most definitely a problem.

And you thought they were losing brain cells while watching TV.

I was duly impressed with the amount of research that goes into making these shows.  Focus groups, expert consultations, testing - you name it.  Nothing happens by accidentand it shows.  To hear Ms. Santomero talk about the characters and story-lines, you'd think she was discussing a Shakespearean play - that's how well-thought out the plots are, and when I got home, I tested this all out on my 3-year-old.

She named every character and explained their "powers".  She and her not quite 2-year-old sister can sing the re-invented alphabet song (see below if you're not familiar with the tune), and she can even name some of the letters she sees on the screen.  Not bad for 3.

I was not one of those parents who didn't let their kids watch tv until the recommended age of 2.  I am, however, a parent who enjoys watching with my kids, even if I'm doing other things as we watch.  And it seems I'm not alone.  Many of the parents in the session were thrilled to invite Super Why!  into their living room each day because it's a) entertaining for kids and b) NOT ANNOYING FOR ADULTS!! 

To learn more about Super Why!, visit the PBS Kids website and join their Facebook group (and then you can say you're a Super Why! groupie... ;).  

 

 

PBS Kids Interviews ME!

Not sure why I felt the need to keep waving at the camera, but anyhow...

Think Your Baby Hates Being Swaddled?

I see dozens of visitors per day who find their way here by Googling "my baby hates to be swaddled."  Typically, this search leads them to my post about Aden & Anais swaddles, but I'm hoping this post, dedicated to all you moms who have babies who fight the swaddle, will be helpful, enlightening, and at best, help you get a few hours of extra sleep.

Let me start at the beginning.  When I had my first baby, I knew nothing.  I had never changed a diaper, burped a baby, or done much more than hold my niece and nephew.  So after groping my way through the first week, I decided to join a New Mom's group (if you live in Boston, Isis Maternity ROCKS) and meet some new moms who were going through the same stuff as I was and maybe even learn something.  

I seriously underestimated just how much I'd learn in these first few weeks.  But if I were forced to pick the one most vital thing I learned at my new mom's group it would be the importance of swaddling my baby.

My motto?  Swaddle early, swaddle often.  And oh, not every swaddle is created equal.  But the key to the perfect swaddle, as I was taught, is to wrap the baby very tightly.  My mom used to tell me I was putting my baby in a straight-jacket, and could she even breathe?  Yes, it was like a mini straight jacket, after all, the idea is for baby not to startle him/herself awake so keeping them snug is the idea.  And yes, she could breathe, not to worry.

Start with the right blanket.  Those teeny tiny fleece-like jobs they wrap baby in in the hospital are NOT, I repeat NOT swaddle blankets.  The best choice is one that is large and stretchy.  I used thermal blankets that were 100% cotton since they have great stretch and they breathe (another good choice is Aden & Anais).  It should be at least 30" x 40" and I found Gerber made a good, inexpensive choice.

So, big, stretchy, breathable.  Now here's what you do with it:

1. Lay the blanket in front of you in a square (none of the folding any corners stuff - just a square or rectangle).
2. Lay the baby down in the top-middle of the blanket, neck outside the blanket.
3. While baby's arms are snug by her side, take the upper left corner and fold it over her body on the diagonal so her left shoulder is covered.  Bring the blanket down under the right side of her body and wrap it under VERY SNUGGLY, leaving the right arm out.
4. Do the same with the right side, only wrap the blanket snuggly under the left side of baby's body.
5. Now you have all this material at the bottom.  Fold all that material upwards toward baby's chin.  baby usually sleeps with her legs in a frog-like position and this is comfy for her so be sure to account for that when snuggly folding the material.  Now wrap each side of the material under baby, pulling it around her little body SNUGGLY.
6. Voila - straight-jacket-like swaddling.

If you do this properly, there's little chance your baby will break free.  When my girls were infants and didn't move around much, I would re-inforce this whole thing by wrapping another blanket around it, basically securing it completely.

Sound crazy?  Research has shown that swaddled babies sleep longer and more soundly than unswaddled babies.  And since sleeping and eating are the bane of any new baby's (and parents) existence, need I say more?

Oh, and your baby DOES NOT HATE TO BE SWADDLED (or at least, most don't).  He or she might not enjoy the act of being wrapped tightly and messed with, but once he or she is asleep, chances are he or she is thanking you in their own way - by sleeping longer.

  Extra swaddling tips:  After laying your baby down tightly wrapped, roll up two receiving blankets and tuck them next to her body for extra coziness.  Keep in mind, she's just spent 9 months all warm and curled up inside Mom's belly - anything less is just unacceptable!

 

The "Good" Mother

I was watching the Today Show on the treadmill at the gym this morning.  I typically don't tune into the audio, rather I read the sub-titles while listening to the tunes on my iPod, as the plethora of cheesy 90s tunes I downloaded give me the boost I desperately need when trying to get through a dreaded workout. 

Then I saw a caption under a woman I had never seen before that caught my attention enough to switch from my music to the sound on the Today Show - this woman, Ayelet Waldman, says that there is always a future beyond [a] child's death, but she could imagine no joy without her husband.  She also states that she is the only mom in the Mommy & Me group who has sex with her husband because she doesn't focus all of her attention on her kids.  I kid you not.  And she writes,

"...if, God forbid, someone were to snatch one of my children? God forbid. I imagine what it would feel like to lose one or even all of them. I imagine myself consumed, destroyed by the pain. And yet, in these imaginings, there is always a future beyond the child's death. Because if I were to lose one of my children, God forbid, even if I lost all my children, God forbid, I would still have him, my husband.

But my imagination simply fails me when I try to picture a future beyond my husband's death. Of course I would have to live. I have four children, a mortgage, work to do. But I can imagine no joy without my husband."

Now, far be it for me to judge another person's emotions.  And while I can't in any galaxy near or far relate to these statements, this woman is entitled to her opinion.  I guess.

It's when she writes that she and her husband describe their 4 children as tangential, that I want to scream.  I mean, can children be considered the incidentals of a relationship?  In most partnerships, children are a hinge that can make or break a union (meaning, the wanting or not wanting of kids is often a deal-maker or breaker).  While I agree that a happy home is one in which there exists love that knows no bounds, shouldn't that unbounded love extend to the children?

Or at the very, very least, shouldn't the conditional love she extends to her children while her hubby receives the attention of a crazed obsessive person, be her little secret?  And not something she liberally screams from the rooftop?

I mean, can you blame the throngs of people who criticized her views at every turn including on Oprah?

"Kids, come for dinner!  And btw, just in case you hadn't heard - you should know that I'd take a bullet for your father, but for you?  Not so much.  Pass the potatoes!!"  

To get to the point, the piece on Today was all about judgemental mothers and Waldman's new book (which I won't bother naming).  She self-describes as the authority on being judged since her insane writings led to her near-Crucifixion.  But I ask you this, I wonder if her wounds were purposely self-inflicted in hopes of causing controversy.  After all, controversy sells, right?  I mean, if all publicity is good publicity, here I am adding to the buzz.

Talk about a head-turning crash site.

To watch the piece on Today, take a deep breath and click here.

       

   

About to become a Mama?

I just came across this piece I wrote that originally ran on the Wishpot.com blog, and I thought it was worth re-posting here.  I'm now 18 months post-partum and undoubtedly just as tired, but I have made it across the threshold from baby to toddler.  And if you're a new Mama or about to be one, before you blink, you will be too!  Enjoy!

_________________________________________

Congratulations!  You’re having a baby!  Welcome to pregnancy, home to hormonally-induced sleeplessness, all-day morning sickness, the big belly bump and chocolate-covered tuna fish sandwich cravings!  You’re going to love it here as much as I did.  In fact, I loved it so much that I did it twice inside of two years!  And now that I’m nine months post-partum, I have enough of my sanity restored to guide you ladies through what promises to be an interesting roller-coaster of a ride. 

 

No One Said It Would Be Like This!

No one can prepare you for the wonderful world of pregnancy, since everyone has a different experience.  But prepare for this – every post child-bearing woman and her aunt, mother and sister will tell you the tale of their time with child, and trust me, you just won’t care.  Unless somehow relevant to your experience, chances are you’ll tune out even before the last of “let me tell you about when I was pregnant” are delivered.  You have two choices: grin and bear it, or smile and excuse yourself with the pregnant woman’s finest excuse – you need to pee.

 

I’m Tired and I Just Don’t Wanna!

I was so tired during my last pregnancy that I rarely made it from breakfast to dinner without interruption.  Being tired is almost unconscionable to us women, never mind those workaholic bosses who equate pregnancy to a minor inconvenience, a blip on your professional radar.  Ladies – being tired while pregnant is a typical, normal symptom.  Go ahead and treat the symptom with sleep.  Don’t make excuses for it any more than you’d make excuses for sneezing from a cold.  And to those woman who claim to be “so energized by pregnancy that I ran 5 miles daily” – you’re liars.

 

The Be-All End-All Baby Shower

You’ll undoubtedly get the call at some point between months 4 and 7 – your mother-in-law/sister-in-law/best friend wants to celebrate your unborn baby by throwing a party for you at a date that conveniences her at a place of her choosing.  If you’re like me, you’ll want no part in this.  If you’re not like me, you’ll agree to it anyhow, thus having a new event to angst over.  After all, how will you negotiate the guest list, the menu, the time and date, all to your liking?  You won’t, so once you come to terms with this fact, turn your attention to the real significance of such an event – the all-important GIFTS.  Expect to receive many, but anticipate liking none.  Lucky for you there are new ways to prepare for the receipt of baby gifts, like the invention of revolutionary Wishpot, a social shopping site which allows users to create registries and add items from any and every store on the Internet.  So, relax and visit the baby experts registries (specifically MINE!) and lose the confusion.  It’s all right there in black and white. 

 

Relax!

Don’t get me wrong.  The prospect of having a new baby is incredibly overwhelming, and rightly so.  You’ll hear stories from every former new mama about the hardships of those first months, bleary-eyed and big-boobed, stroller-pushing and alone.  Well hear this – I was one of those new moms who took fate into her own hands.  Sure I was up umpteen times per night to feed an insatiably hungry baby who seemed to drink her weight at each feed.  Sure I had no clue what I was doing and even if the being I was doing it for, cared.  But in the interest of sanity, I took control of the situation before it took control of me.  A few suggestions:

• Get home from the hospital, get settled, then join a local new-mom group.  It’s never too soon (unless your pedi advises to stay home).  We ventured to our first class just 11 days into this thing, and it was the best choice I made for myself.  It got me out, gave me a network, and helped me build my confidence.  Who says you can’t nurse a baby in a public place just days after learning how?
• Line up help.  Mothers, sisters, best friends, baby nurses.  Doesn’t matter who it is, just make sure you have a steady stream of help since you’ll want need a baby-free hour or two to bathe, rest and just tend to yourself every day.
• RELAX!  While it seems like this foreign creature who has taken up residence in your home will be erratic and unpredictable forever, once you get to know each other a little bit, you’ll be hard-pressed to remember life before baby.  And it’s true what “they” say, each month does get more fun.